As a licensed funeral director, I’ve faced many complicated and unusual situations. Covid was different.

Dealing with a pandemic was very unusual, something that we were never taught in school.  The first challenge was preparing ourselves to remain safe. At that time, we knew it was airborne, but weren’t certain how long the virus might be viable. I mean, we’ve always had PPE (personal protective equipment), but I never had to use it to that extent, basically, from head to toe.

It was late March or early April when we received our first Covid patient. Then businesses started to shut down and we were starting to get more. A lot of them were coming directly from nursing homes. We knew it was going to get bad.

A Covid death was an embarrassment for some families. They didn’t want anyone to know that a loved one had died from Covid. Some had tried to instruct the doctor not to write that on the death certificate, but doctors have to do what they have to do — if it’s Covid, they’ve got to write it on there.

Out of concern for the safety of our staff, older employees and those with health concerns were pulled back. That left about five to six staff members to handle everything.

A personal loss

I had an employee who died from Covid. That really hit me hard. Even though we had been dealing with it, to know somebody personally…

I had to take a step back. Dealing with a child’s death has always been the hardest part of my work, but dealing with someone you know pulls you in that same direction. You just go to your faith and you just stay in your faith, stay prayed up, “God, deliver me and give me the things I need to get through this.”

We in the funeral business weren’t always considered essential frontline workers. They didn’t look at us in the same way they did the doctors, the nurses and EMT techs. We’ve always considered ourselves just as important because when someone passes, they have to call us.

The loss of traditions took a big toll on the staff as well as on the families we were serving. Our tradition is for family and friends to gather after the passing of a loved one. It’s important to obtaining closure. Instead, we were limited as to the number of people who could be in attendance at funerals. As churches shut down, graveside services, cremations and live-streaming services became the norm.

We tried to get everyone to understand that it wasn’t the funeral home; it was just being cautious and based on the CDC guidelines. We don’t know where this disease is. We don’t know who has it and who does not. Once it was really publicized, families began to understand that they could not do what they normally would do, including those touchy hugs with one another.

The hardest day

The most difficult day for me was probably in late December or early January. We did four Covid removals, and that was a very hard day. Every time the phone rang, it was a Covid call. You’re prepared for one, but then you’ve got to get prepared again for the next one. We’d get two Covid calls at one time, from two different facilities. You’re on one call and now you’ve got to go to another one. You’re fully dressed in our PPE, and now you’ve got to re-dress and go to the next call. It was a mind thing, because you really have to get your mind into what you are getting ready to do.

As we’re entering into April, I’ve seen our numbers start to go down, slightly. Even so, we as a people have got to be cautious. We really have to take Covid seriously. I think a lot of people don’t take it seriously until it actually hits someone they know. And then they start to change and see things a little differently.

https://qcitymetro.com/story/palmer-dupree/?fbclid=IwAR0xkIEUTnDFg6pBbfZHqj6cm59MQyK8mOOF-wkHPh4PXjZd02WB4GsFmvA

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Though we have had to make changes to many of our normal routines, we remain steadfast in our commitment to excellence in quality and service. We stay abreast of communications from the North Carolina Board of Funeral Service, the Centers for Disease Control, and the North Carolina Governor so that we may serve the public safely but without compromising the level of care that we have always provided.

For the third year in a row, we have maintained our commitment to serving North Carolina students by donating supplies to the C.W. Williams Community Health Center for its annual Community Health Event. School students are also facing incredible challenges this year. The Long & Son Family has always valued education and, despite COVID challenges, we wanted this year to be no different.

As one of the Westside’s oldest businesses, we want to remain one of the institutions on which the Charlotte community can continue to rely.

From the Board & Staff of Long & Son Mortuary Service, Inc.

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The late Mrs. Eddie V. Long, one of the founders and owners of Long & Son, was a career elementary schoolteacher and lifelong advocate and supporter of education.  It is in her spirit and memory that Long & Son continues to support the students in our community.

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As we embark upon a new year, the staff of Long & Son Mortuary Service, Inc. takes this opportunity to honor the fond memories and reflect upon the firm foundation left to us by our beloved founders:  Lem and Eddie V. Long.  We knew that they would not live forever; and yet, we still believed they would.  Thankfully, their “larger than life” personalities, their venerable wisdom, and their unwavering love and commitment to family, faith, and community can never be forgotten.

More than 70 years ago, after honorably serving his country in World War II, Lem Long, Jr. returned home to Charlotte with a vision of entrepreneurship, leadership, and service.  As a product of the economic and psychological effects of both the Great Depression and Jim Crow, Lem valued hard work and financial independence.  After completing his military duties, Lem went to work for McEwen Funeral Home in Mint Hill.  Lem’s employment at McEwen, a “white” funeral home, inspired him to go into the funeral business for himself.  As a result, he became a licensed funeral director in 1949 and continued serving families until shortly before his death in February of 2016.

In 1947, Lem married Eddie Vaughn, a beautiful and educated school teacher from the Hickory Grove area of Charlotte.  She possessed a unique combination of class, sophistication, and an uncanny ability to simply “get things done” at home and in business.  Mrs. Long possessed a nurturing spirit and had the qualities necessary to attend to the finer details of serving the public.

Together, Lem and Eddie provided their families (blood and business = family) with the personal and professional roadmaps for continued success.  In their honor, the Long & Son staff remains committed to serving the public with the same principles of quality and service upon which the business was built 70 years ago.  We take pride in the legacy we have received and will continue to honor it by providing the service that the community knows and trusts.

In that regard, please allow Long & Son to reintroduce ourselves as the new model of an old classic.  Many of you are familiar with Long & Son because we served your family during the loss of a loved one.  Perhaps you have heard of “Long’s” by “word of mouth.”  However, in the age of technology, most of us are turning to the internet for information about products, services, and people.  In order to broaden our service to the public – physically and virtually – the Board and staff of Long & Son have committed to a revitalized internet presence designed to inform the public about tough issues that may arise when the inevitable occurs in your family.

Please accept our reintroduction by visiting our blog for information on such topics as the importance of preneed planning, staff introductions, legal developments affecting your estate plans, etc.  By broadening our efforts to serve the community in this manner, we hope to continue the Long & Son brand for another 70 years and beyond.

Thank you for your support and Happy New Year!

Erin McNeil Young, Esq.

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“Oh, don’t worry about it dear.  I’ll take care of everything.  It will be very nice.”  Cha ching!

Couple that with the unwillingness of the living to actually plan ahead for the event and you’ve got yourself a double whammy.  But planning ahead now is one way to ease the burden of your loved ones a little bit.  Planning your funeral and communicating your wishes will help your loved ones make those awful decisions when the inevitable happens.  Of course, make sure you are ready to die in other ways too.

Ok, all that said let’s talk about cremation vs burial from a purely financial point of view.  Obviously there are a lot of ways to go here.  I found this site that gives the estimates of funeral costs in all US states.  I’m going to use Arizona prices in this article, cause that’s where I live.

Burial Costs

It costs between $5,500 and $9,500 for a burial.  That price includes a casket, outer lining for the casket, flowers, and transportation.  The driving factor in the price range is the quality of casket and outer liner.  If you want a prettier, higher quality box then you pay more.  The transportation and flowers are basically the same in the more expensive package deals.  Well, you do get a limo for the family and some extra flowers.  But really what does that cost?  $200?  The bulk of the extra $4,000 is in the casket and liner.

Also included in those costs are use of the funeral home for viewing, getting the body ready for burial and into the casket, printed items such as a register book and prayer cards, death certificate, a tent for the cemetery, and clergy.

However, what’s not included is a pretty big deal… the plot.  The cost of a plot varies widely as the cost of land varies widely.  According to Forbes, the average burial plot costs $4,000.  Hugh Hefner paid $1 million for the burial plot next to Marilyn Monroe.

Cremation Costs

It costs between $1,000 and $6,000 for a cremation.  The driving factor in the price here is what type of service you want.  They will do just the cremation for $1,000.  Nothing is included in that package.  For an additional $2,000 you get visitation funeral services and flowers, without the body present.  For the top of the line $6,000 package you get basically everything from the burial package except that after the ceremony they cremate you instead of burying you.

It’s important to note what’s not included in the cheapest cremation package.  Your loved ones are still going to have to have some kind of ceremony.  It also doesn’t include an urn, so that would also be an extra expense of about $200-$300.  There would also be additional expenses if the family wants to place the urn in a cemetery.  They could aslo make some jewelry out of you.  Which is cool… in a creepy kind of way.

If it were not for the plot burial and cremation aren’t that much difference in price.  The cheapest burial and most expensive cremation are basically the same price.  And that makes sense considering you are getting the same basic service.  The only difference between the two is that in one you get a little piece of ground and in the other you get cremated.  The big additional cost of burial is the gravesite, which is understandable.  It’s only a tiny of piece of land but it needs to be maintained for enternity, and that doesn’t come cheap.

If cost is an issue cremation is a lot cheaper.  You don’t even need to have a ceremony at a funeral home.  Maybe your loved ones could do it at church or in their home.  If that’s the case, you could skip out of this world for less than $1,500.

Do you have any experiences planning a funeral?  I’d be interested to hear what you got for the money.

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The topic is awkward on all sides. If you’re elderly, you may worry that just talking about what happens after death could be depressing or bad luck. (Is that wood-knocking I hear?) And if you’re the child of an elderly person, you don’t want it to look like you’re jumping the gun or already toting up your inheritance.

Recently, though, I came across some unusual options beyond the standard burial and cremation. And it struck me that saying something like, “Hey, Dad, did you hear we can turn your ashes into diamonds?” might be an excellent way to get the discussion rolling on how this final act should play out. I tried it.

I discovered that even though my folks purchased burial plots many years ago, they have now decided they want to be cremated. Go figure. I suggested they sell the plots and take themselves to a fancy dinner.

In the spirit of public service to caregivers and their loved ones, here’s a quick rundown of some alternatives to the traditional coffin burial. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Ashes to Dust to Diamonds
As it turns out, your cremated ashes can be made into jewelry for your family and friends to wear and remember you by. In a seven-step process, a company called Cremation Solutions will turn a few ounces of cremains into a diamond; depending on color and carat size, the cost runs anywhere from $2,500 to $25,000.

For $150, you can order a hand-blown glass pendant that holds a tiny portion of the ashes to “wear as a necklace or hang from your rear-view mirror,” the company says.

With the Fishes
Don Brawley got the idea for his company, Eternal Reefs, one day a few years back from his father-in-law, who was watching as Mr. Brawley dropped concrete balls in the sea around Florida to build up disappearing coral reefs.

“He said, ‘I want you to put my remains in those artificial reefs, so I can spend eternity with the grouper and the snapper,’” Mr. Brawley recalled. He did as his father-in-law asked, and continues to do for others, too.

Families can simply send the remains to Mr. Brawley to incorporate into the concrete balls, which he supplies free to seven state agencies to help rebuild reefs. Or relatives can get even more involved. One family placed a wedding ring in a concrete ball, along with a loved one’s ashes; another spelled out “I love you, Dad” with pebbles on the ball’s surface.

The balls can weigh 600 to 4,000 pounds, depending on how many people are included; the largest can handle a family of four. Costs range from about $2,995 to $6,995.

Cremation of a Different Kind
A new, eco-friendly version of cremation was first tried in Florida in 2010. Instead of fire, resomation, also known as bio-cremation, relies on mild heat, pressure and a water and alkali solution (potassium hydroxide) to dissolve bodily tissues into a clear, sterile liquid that advocates say can be safely poured down a drain. Metals from artificial joints, implants or fillings are recovered and disposed of, and then the bones are reduced to ash, just as it’s done with regular cremation, and returned to the family.

What’s so green about that? Resomation uses only one-seventh the electricity and gas involved in flame-based cremation. And it’s free of the mercury pollution from dental fillings and carbon dioxide emissions that are byproducts of the 1,800-degree Fahrenheit temperatures needed in conventional cremation.

There’s a catch. So far bio-cremation is legal in only eight states: Colorado, Florida, Illinois, Kansas, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota and Oregon. New York and New Jersey are considering it. And because this technique requires new machinery, it can be more expensive than regular cremation — from $1,000 on up.

Up and Away
Aching for one last adventure? For anywhere from $1,000 to $12,000 (not including the cost of cremation), Celestis Memorial Spaceflights will launch “a symbolic portion” of your loved one’s cremains (less than would fill half a lipstick tube) into earth orbit, onto the lunar surface, or into deep space. So far, ashes from 600 people have rocketed from Earth, but only one has gone to the moon. That was Eugene Shoemaker, who selected and trained Apollo astronauts in lunar geology.

A medical condition prevented him from following his first career choice as an astronaut. But on Jan. 6, 1998, he (one gram of him, at least) finally boarded NASA’s Lunar Prospector mission and made it to the moon.

Frozen in Time
Hoping to return to the mortal coil? You can arrange to freeze your body (or just your head — that’s cheaper) on the chance that in the future medical science might be able to bring you back. The cost for becoming a corpsicle: $28,000 to as much as $200,000.

Cryogenic freezing has been around for decades now. Some 200 bodies are said to be in storage in liquid nitrogen, and so far it has been a one-way trip for them. (Despite what you may have heard, Walt Disney is not among them. His death certificate shows that he was cremated and buried in California.)

Sustainable Burials
Concerned about burial space running out? If your body is sent to Australia,Upright Burials will bury you vertically to ensure you take up the least amount of space in a cemetery field that is kept in a natural state.

If you’re not willing to go that far, consider a host of green burial alternatives to save money and natural resources. Home funerals and even backyard burials were common in the United States into the 20th century, and they are still legal in most states. The nonprofit Green Burial Council offers a downloadable guide to help plan a green burial.

Why do it? Each year, according to the council, cemeteries nationwide bury more than 30 million board-feet of hardwood and 90,000 tons of steel in coffins, 17,000 tons of steel and copper in vaults, and 1.6 million tons of reinforced concrete in vaults, and more than 750,000 gallons of formaldehyde-laden embalming fluid.

Donate to Science
It’s not too late to get into show business. You can join the Body Worlds exhibit post-mortem and have yours become one of the see-through bodies frozen in action that tour the world, educating audiences about human anatomy. Thousands have already signed up to have their bodies undergo the plastination process, according to the Institute for Plastination in Heidelberg, Germany, which picks up the tab.

If the spotlight isn’t your thing, you can still donate your body to science and have the medical school of your choice pay the handling charges. The University of Florida State Anatomical Board has posted online contact information for medical schools that participate in whole-body donations.

Or simply flip over your driver’s license, sign the back and become an organ donor. Done!

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• Infants and Toddlers: The youngest children may perceive that adults are sad, but have no real understanding of the meaning or significance of death.
• Preschoolers: Young children may deny death as a formal event and may see death as reversible. They may interpret death as a separation, not a permanent condition. Preschool and even early elementary children may link certain events and magical thinking with the causes of death. For instance, as a result of the World Trade Center disaster, some children may imagine that going into tall buildings may cause someone’s death.
• Early Elementary School: Children at this age (approximately 5-9) start to comprehend the finality of death. They begin to understand that certain circumstances may result in death. At this age, death is perceived as something that happens to others, not to oneself or one’s family.
• Middle School: Children at this level have the cognitive understanding to comprehend death as a final event that results in the cessation of all bodily functions. They may not fully grasp the abstract concepts discussed by adults or on the TV news but are likely to be guided in their thinking by a concrete understanding of justice. They may experience a variety of feelings and emotions, and their expressions may include acting out or self-injurious behaviors as a means of coping with their anger, vengeance, and despair.
• High School: Most teens will fully grasp the meaning of death in circumstances such as an automobile accident, illness and even a disaster. They may seek out friends and family for comfort or they may withdraw to deal with their grief. Teens (as well as some younger children) with a history of depression, suicidal behavior, and chemical dependency are at particular risk for prolonged and serious grief reactions and may need more careful attention from home and school during these difficult times.

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• Allow your child to be the teacher about their grief experiences: Give your child the opportunity to tell their story and be a good listener.
• Grieving is a process, not an event: Allow adequate time for your child to grieve in the manner that works for him/her. Pressing your child to resume “normal” activities without the chance to deal with his/her emotional pain may prompt additional problems or negative reactions.
• Let your child know that you really want to understand what he/she is feeling and what he/she needs: Sometimes children are upset but they cannot tell you what will be helpful. Giving them the time and encouragement to share their feelings with you may enable them to sort out their feelings.
• Encourage your child to ask questions about loss and death: Adults need to be less anxious about not knowing all the answers. Treat questions with respect and a willingness to help your child find his or her own answers.
• Help all of your children, regardless of age, to understand loss and death: Give your child information at the level that he/she can understand. Allow your child to guide you as to the need for more information or clarification of the information presented. Loss and death are both part of the cycle of life that children need to understand.
• Children will need long-lasting support: The more losses the child or adolescent suffers, the more difficult it will be to recover. This is especially true if they have lost a parent who was their major source of support. Try to develop multiple supports for children who suffer significant losses.
• Keep in mind that grief work is hard: It is hard work for adults and hard for children as well.
• Be aware of your own need to grieve: Focusing on the children in your care is important, but not at the expense of your emotional needs. Adults who have lost a loved one will be far more able to help children work through their grief if they get help themselves. For some families, it may be important to seek family grief counseling, as well as individual sources of support.
• Don’t assume that every child in a certain age group understands death in the same way or with the same feelings: All children are different and their view of the world is unique and shaped by different experiences. (Developmental information is provided below.)
• Don’t lie or tell half-truths to your child about the tragic event: Children are often bright and sensitive. They will see through false information and wonder why you do not trust them with the truth. Lies do not help the child through the healing process or help develop effective coping strategies for life’s future tragedies or losses.
• Don’t assume that children always grieve in an orderly or predictable way: We all grieve in different ways and there is no one “correct” way for people to move through the grieving process.

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• Emotional shock and at times an apparent lack of feelings, which serve to help the child detach from the pain of the moment;
• Regressive (immature) behaviors, such as needing to be rocked or held, difficulty separating from parents or significant others, needing to sleep in parent’s bed or an apparent difficulty completing tasks well within the child’s ability level;
• Explosive emotions and acting out behavior that reflect the child’s internal feelings of anger, terror, frustration and helplessness. Acting out may reflect insecurity and a way to seek control over a situation for which they have little or no control;
• Asking the same questions over and over, not because they do not understand the facts, but rather because the information is so hard to believe or accept. Repeated questions can help listeners determine if the child is responding to misinformation or the real trauma of the event.

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